Remember, birthday money can be used to help settle debt

Thank God for church volunteers with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.”
The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands…

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say “Hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I will not pass this way again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”

Irving Benson and Jesse Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?”
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:”I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours”

Hope you have a great day and aren’t too hungover!

xxxxx

With Tuesday being recovery day decided to stay in and watch United rather than go to EP for County’s game tonight. I spent 89 minutes of the match regretting the decision until Giggs’s goal and the laughable dummy spit from the Lille camp afterwards. I’ve never seen a team ordered off the pitch before, apparently neither has Fergie, as his after match interview consisted mainly of him saying he’s never seen anything like it before!

So here’s hoping tomorrow FIFA will fine Lille for:

- not providing safe seating for away fans, the fact that the fans were being beaten back by police when they were trying to escape overcrowding was atrocious…why only open up another section of the ground after they were almost forced to sit on the pitch?!
- Having the team come off the pitch after intimidating the referee and almost abandoning the match
- and then also for the behaviour of the supporters for throwing missiles on the pitch and making (again another Fergie quote) ‘a hostile environment’

Only 2 weeks until Lille come to Old Trafford!

In other footie news though, well done to County for making it 8 wins on the bounce, now at 6th in the table…Cardiff here we come

Pics are now on the gallery

If Mr Howard ever got round to getting his own blog, mine would surely crumble….

Gordon Strachan, football manager and comic genius!
on Wayne Rooney…
“It’s an incredible rise to stardom; at 17 you’re more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson.”

Reporter: “Gordon, can we have a quick word please?”
Strachan: “Velocity” [walks off]

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there.

Reporter: “Gordon, what will you take from today?”
Strachan: I’ve got more important things to think about. I’ve got a yoghurt to finish, the expiry date is today.

Reporter: There goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I’m just going to crumble like a wreck. I’ll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge.

Reporter: There’s no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we’re all quite positive round here. ! So I’m going to whack you over the head with a big stick – down negative man, down.

Reporter: Welcome to SouthamptonFootball Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No, I think they should have got George Graham because I’m useless.

Reporter: Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It’s a secret.

Reporter: “What is your impression of Jermaine Pennant?”
Strachan: “I don’t do impressions”

Reporter: So Gordon, any changes then?
Strachan: Naw, still 5ft 6, ginger and a big nose!