Only for Ste’s 21st Very drunken night…we now have a new way to carry fags and lighters….

Stacey looked amazing and the rest of us just looked insane!

And apologies for anyone who got in my way today

10 – Life is sexually transmitted.

9 – Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

8 – Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an
erection, make him a sandwich.

7 – Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to
use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

6 – Some people are like a Slinky… Not really good for anything, but you
still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

5 – Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.

4 – All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention
to criticism.

3 – Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial tax
cut saves you 50p?

2 – In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and People take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:
We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of
Cars in Britain……
But we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and
terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of
immigration…….

The Rules….

Rule 1
DO NOT call us and complain about a problem with your system and then say you’re not in front of your computer when we try and help you. We aren’t technological psychics.

Rule 2
DO NOT call us assuming the problem you’re experiencing is our fault. If your computer crashes, performs illegal operations, gives you the blue screen of death, or runs away with the toaster to Mexico, you can be certain it wasn’t us who caused it.

Rule 3
DO NOT call us and announce to us that you don’t know anything about computers. Trust me, we’re well aware of that fact. We figured it out the minute you called and announced, “Help, the Internet is broken!” People who know about computers don’t call us.

Rule 4
DO NOT call us and act as if you know all about computers and that you’re doing us a favour by gracing us with your call. This irritates us more than rule 3. Chiming in with stupid suggestions and comments only increases the already tremendous temptation we face to use you as an unwitting instrument of destruction and really do some damage to your system. Not that you’d notice.

Rule 5
DO NOT (in addition to rule 4) use acronyms you don’t know the meaning of. Just admit that you’re completely lost and leave the technical stuff to us.

Rule 6
DO NOT call in if you can’t speak English. This might seem like a small thing to you, but we find it just a tad annoying when we try to assess your problem and can only understand every fifth word you say. And no, just because those words may be ‘computer’ or ‘broken’ doesn’t make any difference.

Rule 7
DO NOT call in hoping to get another tech support guy to tell you something different to what the first one did. If one of us tells you your system is screwed, it’s screwed. The second guy is going to simply look at the log and tell you the same thing, it’s screwed. That is of course unless you really irritate him and then he’s going to make sure your computer has the functionality of a house plant.

Rule 8
DO NOT be stoned or drunk when you call us. You wouldn’t think this would need to actually be said, but believe me it happens. If you can’t control yourself and must call, at least have the common courtesy to offer us some.

Rule 9
DO NOT tell us that this just happened on its own, as if your computer suddenly was inspired to break for no reason. Simply admit what you did to cause this, so we can help you fix it that much faster. Trying to salvage your pride will only make it worse, because we will find out what you did anyway, and then we will REALLY be annoyed at you for wasting our time.

Rule 10
DO NOT expect us to educate you in the most simple aspects of using a computer. If you can’t figure out the difference between a right-click and a double-click, then you really shouldn’t be using one in the first place. If you insist on doing so anyway, then buy a book. Or you can pay us £30 an hour to teach you, because we won’t do it for free.

Worth it just to see the Rooney strop as he was subbed off… even Sprog woulda been proud!

A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping.

While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to his sister, “I’ve decided to be an England supporter and I would like this for my birthday.”

His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, “Go talk to your mother.”

So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother.
“Mum?”
“Yes son?”
“I’ve decided I’m going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday”.

The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, “Go talk to your father.”

Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father.
“Dad?”
“Yes son?”
“I’ve decided I’m going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday.”

The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4 times and says:
“No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!”

About half an hour later they’re all back in the car and heading towards home. the father turns to his son and says;
“Son, I hope you’ve learned something today?”
The son says, “Yes dad I have.”
“Good son, what is it?”
“I’ve only been an England supporter for a day and I already hate you German B**tards!”

De profundis clamo ad te,
Domine, Domine,
Audi vocem meam!
Fiant aures tuae intendae
Ad vocem obsecrationis meae.
Si delictorum memoriam serva veris,
Domine, Domine, quis sustinebit.

Kath will understand… Claire will look confused

Got this from Ni and wanted to share….

I’ll Always Be There

In times of trouble,

In times of need,

If you are feeling SAD,

You can count on me.

I will give you a wink,

Until you smile,

give you a hug,

And stand by your side.

I’ll be there for you till the end,

I’ll always and forever, be your friend!

Still going to have to do much better after the group stages…

Now this one’s more like it lol

You Are Navy Blue

You’re a true adventurer. You constantly find yourself drawn to new experiences, people, and places. Sometimes you feel quite scattered and bored. If something exciting isn’t going on, you feel a bit lost.

Not convinced by this one…