LIST OF RULES

1. From 9 June to 9 July 2006, you should read the sports section of the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations. If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don’t mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on right after because if you catch a cold, I wont have time to take you to the doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick up the baby that just fell from the second floor….it wont happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12amand 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because my team is losing, DO NOT say “get over it, its only a game”, or “don’t worry, they’ll win next time”. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called “words of encouragement” will only lead to a break up
or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying “one” game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to “spend time together”.

8. The replays of the goals are very important. I don’t care if I have seen them or I haven’t seen them, I want to see them again. Many times.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,

b) I will not go, and

c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying “but you have already seen this…why don’t you change the channel to something we can all watch??”, the reply will be: “Refer to Rule #2 of this list”.

12. And finally, please save your expressions such as “I’m glad the World Cup is only every 4 years”. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the Champions League, Premier League, Italian League, Spanish League, etc etc.

This is how insane League 2 currently is:

Rushden have now been relegated, but it’s down to the last game of the season to see which of the next 6 teams go down with them! Oxford will go down if they get anything less than a win at home to Leyton Orient, and even that might not be enough to survive, it’s a miracle I still have nails!

If Carlise win on Tuesday away at Rochdale, they’ll be crowned champions then, a loss means that also is decided next week! :-O

Wow it has been a full working week since I last blogged, not sure if I’ve ever left it that long before now?!

So in no logical order in the last week I have:

- been to the pub once (tonight)
- become Spanish (whilst watching dirty gunners – i don’t care if you’re based in London having 1 English player on the pitch does not mean you are an English team!)
- had my pic taken with Liam Dickinson – he’s very tall has very nice hair and after a few to drink would be called -able (Kev if you tell Matt I said that I really will hit you hard!)
- had said pic put on intranet at work, but tis OK as Matt’s such a bad photographer it’s very dark and you can’t tell it’s me!
- screamed as County lost 0-4 at Torquay
- screamed at every radio program that said ‘if County beat Torquay, we’re def staying up’ – they really need to resit GCSE maths, even Sprog could’ve worked out that’s not a definite
- laughed as Sprog locked herself out of the house whilst Mum’s away
- laughed louder when I cancelled the dd to O2 as sprog hasn’t paid me for months
- become a processor
- been followed by Mr Brodigan to the other side of the office
- been given chocolate from Eddie for being the first manager to reply to one of his weekend stalking messages
- warned at least 5 people that Wednesday next week is an important date
- mown the back lawn (but not the front)
- told everyone who’s listened that i can’t cope with mornings and need much more caffeine!
- avoided Adam in case I catch scarlet fever
- slept a lot as I need much more sleep to be awake at 7AM!

When put like that it sounds like I’ve done quite a bit this week, will need to go and lie down now!

Goals for County:
Ward 36
O’Connor 54
Robinson 84 (pen)

not convinced that Tes’s performance today warranted MOTM, we really need strikers who get more goals, apparently we had over 20 shots on target and yet only 3 went in (and one of those was a penalty).. we also need to do that ‘tackling’ thing more to stop the other team keeping the ball, but still we won and that’s the improtant thing!

Three games left, 2 weeks to go, not sure how long my nails will be by 5PM on 6th May!

“Lua Lua went off and did his treble back somersault with pike and twisted his ankle. It wasn’t the cleverest thing he’s ever done.”
Harry Redknapp on his star striker’s crazy injury.

“It came in so quickly, he tried to get a head on it and it came off the wrong corner of his head.”
Norwich boss Nigel Worthington on Jason ’square head’ Shackell’s own goal.

“I will be writing to the relevant authorities to complain, but I’m wasting my breath.”
Disgruntled Ipswich Town manager Joe Royle, who surely will just be wasting ink.

“It was a mis-controlled backpass to the keeper and that does not constitute a backpass.”
When a backpass is not a backpass, by Everton boss David Moyes.

“Who do I owe, and for what? I don’t think about the word ‘owe’. I owe something to my Dad, yes, who put me on this planet.”
Arsenal’s Thierry Henry shuns his mother.

“I don’t read the papers, I don’t gamble, I don’t even know what day it is!”
Steve McClaren. Current affairs king and prospective England manager.

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. “I’m not sure what to do,” says the devil.
“You’re on my list but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here I’m going to have to let some-one else go. I’ve got three folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I’ll even let you decide who leaves.” George
thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in hell. “No!” George said. “I don’t think so. I’m not a good swimmer and don’t think I could do that all day long.”

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, time after time. “No!” I’ve got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day.” commented
George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally
said, “Yeah, I can handle this.”

The devil smiled and said, “Ok, Monica, you’re free to go!”

This morning I met up with Claie, Lil and Helen for coffee and muffins at Borders. Was good to see them for the first time in about 6 years (not including Claire lol) and have a catch up and meet Lil’s fella.

Am sure we’ll meet up again soon, poss for Belgium beer and chocolate in London?

Better late than never…here’s the pics from Last Saturday:

Grandad’s Plaque – before going to Zoe’s we went to St Pauls, to add some flowers.

A week after her fall, Nan looked still looked like she’d lost a fight!

the pic Abbas drew for me.. he insisted on takin a pic of it!